Two down; five to go. That is the number of weeks until matric exams are officially over. And we can all breathe again. I know this because my son is there. And none of us is breathing deeply (except to keep calm). We can´t write the exams for them (tempting as that might be) but what we do as parents has a real impact on their outcomes.
Here are 5 strategies that can make a difference.
1. It´s Not About You Don´t compare their experience with yours. Not even in your head. It´s not helpful. Neither is it relevant. Focus on their reality and their needs.
2. Ask, Don´t Tell Ask how you can support them. And listen to the answer, even if it´s ´Get off my back’. Going into control mode will likely alienate them and have the opposite effect. This means trusting their judgment (assuming there are no learning or behavioural issues and they understand consequences). And let them know you are there for them. Then feed them, water them and avoid conflict. (See #4).
3. Be in Their CornerGet out of judgment and into belief. Keep your expectations in line with their abilities and believe in the person they are. They will feel it.
4. Manage AnxietyWhose fear is it? If it is yours, get support so you don´t project it onto them. If it´s theirs, ask open questions to see what the real fear is. Then take steps to address it calmly and positively. Ask yourselves this: what is the worst that can happen? Sometimes, just establishing this and what it means can banish rabbit-in-the-headlights paralysis.
5. What if It Doesn´t Go Well? Help them understand that difficulties are part of life and can be overcome, so they don´t allow one bad paper to sabotage the rest. Help them put it in context and learn from it, then step over the bump and focus on the next exam. The outcome of that is still in their control.
And let them know you love them. No matter what!